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My Journey Alone

iTS ALMOST ONE YEAR SIX MONTHS SINCE JULIE DIED AND SHATTERED MY WORLD.

I didn’t know how to deal with that, it made me feel sick, it made me feel so guilty, it made me feel worthless., but these are feeling that should be expected, it doesn’t make it easy. The norm goes out the window.

We have gone through one hell of a year with the pandemic, but life is going on all around us, i still had to deal with losing Julie, and I was struggling, I didn’t know what to do, I was a mess, and I couldn’t stop crying, at one point I thought of ending my life. This sounds so dramatic, but I didn’t Know what I was doing back then, my mind was a ness, and I didn’t care about anything, I had to fight so hard with myself to stay alive, this sounds so bad, but it was so real, I really didn’t want to live.

When Julie died my mind shut down, i couldn’t do anything right, I was an emotional wreck, I was in self destruct mode, after all why would I want to live without the girl that was my life?.

You see i met Julie in 1987, she walked into a pub I was in and she looked gorgeous, I asked her for a date straight away, it was on Halloween, and 33 years later we were still in love, losing that was unthinkable, she was my soulmate, how do you replace that?.

GETTING REAL WITH IT ALL

My children never gave up on me, they made me see that mum may be gone, but they are still there, and they need there dad to be there for them, my friends at work, and on Facebook have always been there for me too, my boss, has shown me so much support, and my special friends has been therefor me from the start, guess what am trying to say, you may think you are alone, but a lot of people love you.